I didn’t just miss my deadline.
I waltzed right past it as if I didn’t know it by heart.
As if it were a figment of my imagination, an imaginary friend I dare not confess to know for fear of what the neighbors might think.
But as I spin about to face my deadline, knowing there’s no chance in a frozen hell I’ll be able to redeem myself from snubbing said deadline, the only thing I see is a reflection of my deepest fears and how they’ve once again stunted my intended progress.
Every failure leads to success if one only keeps aiming
I could spend my time despising myself for letting my goals slip through my fingers as a child would sand, fascinated and unaffected by the cascading grains, or I could address my setbacks with a rational observation that serves to correct my flaws.
Despite the frustrating tediousness of having to once again acknowledge why I haven’t completed my second novel already, here we go again:
It’s a curse, ya’ll, and I’m pretty sure we’re all affected.
Lack Of Follow-Through
A lot of my issue was just not showing up. Between hosting good friends for the better part of two months and recovering from injuries acquired from a nasty fall, I bailed on my scheduled writing hours in favor of short-term happiness.
Lack Of Trust
I struggle to accept the storylines I come up with. They’re never good enough and that constantly leaves me halfway through a concept with my shoulders caught in a confused shrug.
All frustrations aside, if I’m to move forward with succeeding at this career, I need to get strict about how I show up for it.
My new tactic moving forward is to accept that everything I create, no matter how well or poorly received by my own mind, is a solid gold step in the right direction.
It’ll be a tough habit to break, self-doubting procrastination, but I’ve got big dreams in the works and if I’m ever going to see them in reality I’ll need to conquer the worst of my paralyzing fears.
Thus, in the grand scheme of everything, my failures are just as important as my successes. My having lost track of this deadline is an opportunity to acknowledge what’s holding me back and decide, once and for all, to eliminate it.